Top 10 Most British Sentences Ever Uttered

Top 10 Most British Sentences Ever Uttered The British are often stereotyped as beingstoic and reserved, the kind of people who respond to poor customer service with a sternlyworded letter and consider the response its fine to be a withering insult. In celebration of British wit and understatement,join us as we discuss what we believe to be the 10 most British sentences ever uttered. 10. The Quote: Get up George, youre embarrassingme. The context: Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher to her bodyguard,immediately after being shot at by the SAS. The story: Margaret Thatcher is a polarizingtopic over in Blighty, and in some places the mere mentionof her name can kill the atmosphere in a room and replace it with a whirlwind of flailingsnakes, or so weve heard. That said, she is begrudgingly admired forher unflappable demeanor, which earned her the incredibly badass nickname the Iron Lady.Perhaps the single greatest example of Thatcherssheer inability to be phased by even the most extreme situation is the time she was involvedin an SAS training exercise involving live ammo. The story goes that during her tenure as PrimeMinister, Thatcher was meeting with the SAS, who invited her to take part in a hostagerescue scenario using actual bullets, a common courtesy they extend to all high profile gueststo show off their skill. Thatcher gladly accepted and sat in a darkenedroom in the Killing House (the impossibly sweet nickname given to the SASs secrettraining building) along with her bodyguard.A few minutes later three highly trainingSAS operatives kicked down the door, threw in a flashbang grenade, and then fired severalrounds into the targets flanking Thatcher, who was reportedly sitting calmly at a tablewith her purse. The moment the SAS started firing, Thatchersbodyguard, showing how clearly he sucked at his job, dove under the table, prompting Thatcherto utter the above quote in a testicle shrinkingly patronizing tone of voice. 9. The Quote: Chatfield, there seems to besomething wrong with our bloody ships today. The context: Admiral David Beatty, shortlyafter two of the ships under his command exploded in front of him! The story: Admiral Beatty was a highly decoratedBritish (duh) naval figure who rose from the rank of cadet to SEA LORD! The literal highest post possible in the BritishRoyal Navy. Beatty earned countless commendations throughouthis career and personally accepted the surrender of Germanys navy at the end of World WarI. He is, however, best remembered for beingcompletely nonplussed about two of his ships exploding. During an engagement during WWI known as theBattle of Jutland, Beatty personally witnessed the HMS Indefatigable, one of Britainsbiggest and most-covered-in-guns ships, explode in the water.Less than half an hour later, while stationedon the bridge of his own ship, Beatty was approached by a nervous crewman who informedhim that the Royal Navys second best ship, the HMS Queen Mary, had also exploded. Without missing a beat, Beatty calmly turnedto his second in command and uttered his most famous quote. 8. The Quote: I cant wear beige becausenobody would know who I am. The context: The Queen, on why she wears brightpastel colors all the time. The story: Few, if any, people can truly claimto be as easily recognizable as the Queen of England, a woman who has been on so muchmoney over the years you can see her age.Though officially the Queen has a number ofrather important duties, such as approving parliamentary bills and meeting with the PrimeMinister, her role as monarch is mostly ceremonial. To this end, the Queen has a punishing scheduleof public events where she shows her face and meets with people who dont live ina giant castle. At such events the Queen virtually alwayswears a single color, often taking the form of a pastel colored dress and a stupidly pimpmatching hat. The Queens official reasoning behind thisfashion choice is that she believes if she wore a less awesome color, nobody would recognizeher. Remember, this is a woman who spends mostof her time in a country where her face is on every piece of paper money issued and shestill, rather adorably, thinks that people wouldnt know who the hell she was withoutwearing a dress that looks like someone turned the contrast all the way up. 7. The Quote: We had a very serious eveningyou know. The context: Cosmo Duff-Gordon, when speakingabout a boat trip he took, aboard the Titanic. The story: Yes, were talking about thatTitanic. According to experts, just 706 of the 2,000or so people aboard (the exact number has never been established) survived the super-linersmaiden voyage.Among them was Sir Cosmo Duff-Gordon. A gentleman through and through, upon hearingthat the ship was sinking, Duff-Gordon grabbed a bottle of brandy and some cigars and madehis way towards the lifeboats with his wife and secretary. Duff-Gordon is said to have stood unflinchingon the deck as the lifeboats slowly filtered away, several of which offered a place tohis wife, who refused to leave without him. Duff-Gordon and his wife eventually escapedaboard a smaller lifeboat being piloted by several crewmen, whom the English dandy politelyasked for permission to join because being aboard a sinking ship is no excuse to forgetyour manners. Letters unearthed in 2012reveal that Duff-Gordon witnessed firsthand the horror of the Titanics sinking, writingthat he could hear the screams of those whod fallen overboard and then, later, a silencethat shook him to his core.While the trauma he suffered on that day wasunthinkable, the worst was yet to come for Duff-Gordon when it was rumored hed bribedhis way aboard the lifeboat (he didnt). During what has been described as a savagecross-examination, Duff-Gordon was grilled about why his lifeboat didnt search forsurvivors, even though such a decision ultimately fell to the seven crewmen he was sailing with. Showing Herculean amounts of restraint, Duff-Gordoncalmly responded to the lawyer basically accusing him of being a coward and screaming questionsabout why he didnt usurp control of the lifeboat from the people specifically trainedto use it by saying: At that time I was attending to my wife,as I think I said just now.We had rather a serious evening, you know. Presumably, all while his moustache twitchedendless insults about the size of the lawyers manhood in Morse code. 6. The Quote: By God, sir, Ive lost myleg! The context: Lord Uxbridge, upon noticinghis leg had been blown clean off by a cannonball. The story: Henry Paget, better known as the1st Marquess of Anglesey, is a famed English Army Officer and politician best known forbeing one of the foremost experts at one of Englands oldest and most popular hobbies,dunking on the French military. Well liked by his men, Paget was known forhis bravery, composure under fire, and stoicism, often being seen personally leading chargeson horseback. It was just after one such charge at the Battleof Waterloo that Paget was struck by an errant cannonball that caused the bottom half ofhis right leg to explode into a red, sticky cloud of viscera. According to all those present, Paget reactedto the injury as if it were a mosquito bite, turning to the man next to him and explaining,rather matter-of-factly, that his leg had just been torn clean off by a screaming hunkof metal traveling at the speed of sound.But Paget wasnt done yet, and he continuedto play down the extent of his injury, refusing to even cry out in pain while the mangledremains of his limb were being removed without anesthetic. According to his physician, the only soundPaget made during the entire agonizing procedure was to answer a nurse asking if he was okay. Apparently Pagets only comment was thatthe knife being used to scrape away the bone and tissue left below his knee felt ratherblunt before once again sitting in silence. The only question we have after that is howPaget ever found a horse capable of carrying both him and the giant, man-sized balls heclearly possessed. 5. The Quote: By God, sir, so you have! The context: The Duke of Wellingtons responseto Henry Paget. The story: Yes, on the same day Henry Pagetwent down in history as the man who responded to having his leg amputated with a blunt knifewith nothing but mild discomfort, his commanding officer similarly reacted to the frankly astonishingoccurrence of a man standing three feet away having his leg blown off like hed justnoticed someone in the room had farted.Like Paget, the Duke of Wellington was wellknown for his stoney demeanor and diamond-like testicular fortitude, earning him the nicknamethe Iron Duke. Wellington was similarly respected by hismen for his commitment to a Spartan military lifestyle, with the Duke insisting on diningon the same rations as his men and opting to sleep on a standard issue military cot,even though his rank and social status would have allowed him to eat fresh swan necks everyday if he really wanted to. According to history books, the Iron Dukeis said to have only ever dropped his stony facade once,upon hearing that Napoleon had abdicated. Upon hearing this news the Duke is said tohave giddily clicked his fingers, spun around on the spot, and danced an excited flamencobefore instantly resuming a dignified, statue-like pose, as if nothing had happened. 4. The Quote: We are still open more openthan usual The context: Sign placed in British storesthat had been hit by bombs during the Blitz. The story: During WW2, one of the things Hitlerhad a real hard-on for was crushing the morale of the British, something he hoped to accomplishby tasking the Luftwaffe with bombing the everloving crap out of major British populationcenters for two years straight, a time in history now known as the Blitz.Although the Nazis succeeded in leveling asignificant percentage of Britain, the British populace went about as if everything was totallyfine. Workers finding their offices had been destroyedwould pull their desks out of the rubble and do paperwork in the middle of the street,housewives would gossip about raids like the weather, and stores continued to sell produce,even if they didnt have roofs. In keeping with the self-deprecating natureof British humor, such stores would advertise the fact they were still open by telling thepublic that they were simply more open than usual, which is apparently the Britishway of saying missing half a roof. 3. The Quote: I told you I was ill. The context: The proposed epitaph for SpikeMilligans tombstone. The story: Spike Milligan was a comedian knownthroughout Britain for his surreal and often black humor.Considered to have been one of the key influencesbehind Monty Python and held in high regard by the entire British comedy scene, Milliganis often referred to as the comedians comedian. Even in his twilight years, when he plaguedby a host of health problems, Milligan continued to crack jokes at his own expense, the mostfamous of which was an offhand remark he made about his desire to have his tombstone bearthe epitaph I told you I was ill. When Milligan passed away in 2002, his family,in accordance with his wishes, actually tried to buy a tombstone with that joke on it, butthe people in charge of the graveyard didnt feel it would appropriate and told the familyto change it. After some consideration Milligans familysettled on an engraving reading Dirt m leat go raibh m breoite. For anyone curious about what that means,its Irish for, I told you I was ill. Speaking of funerals 2. The Quote: Always look on the bright sideof life. The context: The most popular song playedat British funerals. The story: Despite having the word funright there in it, funerals are often anything but, what with all the crying people and fistfightsthat break out.British people seem to be a curious exceptionto this rule, with it being noted that the Monty Python song Always Look on the BrightSide of Life is the most popular song requested at funerals. What makes this particular song choice sodeliciously hilarious is that it took the top spot away from actual religious hymns,which had, prior to 2014, been the most popular final song requested by the deceased. So just to clarify, in Britain, the most popularsong played at funerals is one that was intentionally written as an ironic piss-take for a film(Life of Brian) poking fun at the idea of religion, about remaining calm and collectedin the face of adversity, and it took the top spot away from a genuine, sentimentalreligious hymn.If you needed any more proof that the Britishdont even pretend to give a crap, the song is also popular at football games when oneteam is losing, and was once sung by an entire ship as it was sinking. 1. The Quote: We have time enough to finishthe game and win. The context: Sir Francis Drake, upon beinginterrupted during a game of bowls, about an approaching Spanish fleet of ships. The story: Francis Drake is known in Britainfor many things, including beasting on the Spanish so hard they called him The Dragon,circumnavigating the globe, and dying of dysentery. In regards to the former, Drake was a keyfigure in defeating the Spanish Armada, a massive fleet of ships that attempted to invadeEngland in 1588. According to legend, Drake was so unafraidof the Spanish and so supremely confident in his own skills that upon learning thata fleet of ships large enough to level half of the English coastline had just crestedthe horizon, he didnt act on the news until hed finished a game of bowls.Exactly what Drake said isnt clear, butmultiple sources report that he was happy to learn that the Spanish were still a fewmiles away, because it meant he could finish his game, reportedly quipping that hedsmash the Spanish fleet after, and only after, hed finished his game. True to his word, Drake trounced the SpanishArmada in battle, personally leading a charge that destroyed a quarter of the Armada andcaptured one of their most powerful ships. Proof that the English do get emotional, butonly about things that actually matter, like a game involving rolling small balls on somegrass..


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